How is it that we’ve been here since February and I still feel so, well, unsettled? Soon, Donna, paciencia amiga. January (and your new HOME) will be here before you know it!
We’ve been in the “newest” house for two months now. It’s fine. Modern, spacious, great pool, close to everything, but we’re still not “home” yet. I say that as Lyn is right now back in Boise, ID, handling affairs for his mother. He described Boise to me as “sparkly.” Everything clean, well-lit, orderly. I got the sense he is feeling a bit “homesick” for the place. At the same time, he is super stressed. His mom has had to be relocated to a memory unit. She’s not doing well. And he has to go through all of her stuff (again) and decide what to do with it. She has always jested that she’s a “collector,” but let’s be honest, she is a pack rat on the edge of hoarding. He showed me pics of her room. Lordy. She never threw anything out.
He finally has her in her new place in Eagle. Although she doesn’t seem truly aware of her surroundings, she knows it isn’t the same place and it is clear to Lyn that she’s depressed. I can’t imagine — the loss of dignity, camaraderie, familiarity — it has to be awful. On top of it all, she is alone there. Her only other family live on the other side of the country and have left everything to Lyn to handle. With the pandemic, we haven’t been able to visit often. In fact, it’s been two years now since either of us has been back to the US. That was the last time either of us saw her. It was me, too, and it didn’t go well.
All of this leaves me to wonder, what will become of us someday in the not-so-distant future? Are we destined for a similar fate? With no children or siblings to help, dependent on strangers to change our Depends and wash our bottoms, will we spend our end days lonely and terrified?
I wonder about my son, too. I don’t expect I’ll ever hear from him again. He’s made it clear I’m not in his game plan. It makes me incredibly sad to think about that, but also to imagine what will be in store for him as he ages. No family of his own (that I’m aware of, at least) to comfort him in his old age. Hope is still there for us, but it dwindles more with each passing year.
Despite my melancholia, these events also help me remember why we are doing what we are doing — living in Mexico and paring down our lives so we can enjoy the moments we have with each other. Living without regret. We do what we want when we want and have no obligations to anyone other than ourselves. A simple life that brings a lot of peace. Well, except for this on-going pandemic nonsense. (This too shall pass.)
I have to say, I’ve had it all and am quite content with the life I’ve chosen. I’ve done everything I ever wanted to do and more. I’m still doing what I want to do and enjoying every minute of it. I love my students and my friends, my neighbors and this wonderful, magical country.
There are Iguanas here!